A New Direction for The Journal Keeper

I am sure you have noticed that my attempts at this blogging thing have been a bit random and haphazard.  I had great intentions when I created The Journal Keeper.  I wanted it to be a place to share what I knew about the craft of journaling, and how I used journal writing in my daily life.

I immediately had two problems:  1) It turned out that I didn't know as much about journaling as I thought.  I had been writing in my diary/journal on and off for as long as I could remember, and had learned many things along the way, but found that I didn't really have enough knowledge to keep the blog going for an indefinite period of time.  2) As much as I love the act of journaling and what I know it can do to improve my well-being, I had not been doing it as faithfully as I should.  In fact, my journal writing had long since taken a nose dive over the past several years, so much so that I had trouble calling myself a journal writer at all without feeling like a fraud.

I've had a dream for a long time of facilitating others in journaling for empowerment, whether it be through workshops or a newsletter or a blog.  I really loved the idea of blogging -- I would love to say that was because it would be a great way to practice my writing.  In reality, though, I think I loved the idea because I wanted the attention.  I wanted to gain a loyal following of readers who hung on my every word and left adoring comments on every entry.  I wanted to make friends that would last a lifetime.  After all, I read several blogs written my people who have done just that.

But it's just not working for me.  I've put way too much pressure on myself (in way too many areas of my life -- not just the journal blog area) and lately I have felt way too overwhelmed.  So I'm cutting things back.  And that includes the Blog About Journaling.

Instead, though, I will keep this blog as my personal journal.  I'm making every effort to "go electronic" in that area.  It's not going well (that's for another entry), but I think I have to give it a fair try.

So here's to a new direction for The Journal Keeper.

Weekly Review - 6/6/10

Something I have done for years is to review the past week.  Usually this is done in my planner and/or journal, but since I am trying to ween myself from both of them, I am hoping to share my review with you here.

My weekly review consists of going through my planner for the past week to see what I've done, what I've accomplished, and where I still need work.  I would also go through my journal and read the entries from the past week to see what I was feeling and doing. 

What this is supposed to do for me is keep me on track with my goals.  I should be able to see at a glance where I am exceling and where I am falling behind.  It is supposed to be an empowering exercise.  Unfortunately for me, the last several months have not been very productive, and therefore my weekly review ended up just being another way for me to feel bad about where I am and what I DIDN'T do.

I need to regroup, though.  I need to refocus on the good things I am accomplishing.  And if my weekly review reveals that I am falling behind in an area, then that should just be a reminder of what I need to work harder to focus on in the coming week.

So today, in light of the horrible week I have had, I am not going to put myself through that.  Rather I will spend the day reflecting on my goals and revisiting my plan for getting where I want to be.

Do you have a regular ritual to help keep you on track with your goals and/or responsibilities?  I'd love to hear from you!

I Asked and Received (Again)

Our God is an awesome God.  If you don't already know that, you haven't given him a chance.  All you have to do is ask.  Ask him just the way you would ask a friend.  Tell him what you need help with, and he'll help you.  I've experienced this myself on more than one occasion, the most recent being today.

I asked God to give me guidance today.  I was disappointed, angry and distraught and I needed his help in the worst way.  So I laid out for him exactly what I needed to know, in no uncertain terms, told him how I wanted to receive the information and when I wanted to receive it.  And then I waited for it.

Shortly after my request, I got what I needed.

I asked him which path I was supposed to take in my life.  I was confused and befuddled with multiple directions I had tried to take or had thought about taking.  He told me that writing is my path.  I asked whether I should be writing novels or blog posts or articles.  He told me that I am a Writer of Books.  I expressed concern over my current career path distress.  He told me not to stress.  Writing is my primary path.  Anything else that I need to do to make money for the time being is necessary, but still secondary.  I am not to stress about it, I should just simply do what needs to be done.  Focus, though, on my primary path.

Right away I felt more relaxed and happy and relieved... and extremely grateful for His help!  And as I lathered my body with soap (I received this guidance while I was in the shower, just as I had requested), I thought to myself, "Ok, I'm going to search for blogs about novel writing."  To my surprise, though, He told me that I should not spend my time reading about writing.  I am to spend my time writing.  Deep down I knew that -- I knew that my reading about writing is just a procrastination mechanism that I have perfected.  But it's always nice to have it reinforced in simple terms by The Master.

So there you have it.  I have my answer.  My task list just got simplified with a figurative snap of the fingers.  I have no question now.

Okay, maybe I do have one question:  How in the world can I get moving on the writing?!

Plea for Help

I am having a really hard time being happy about anything.  I am having a really hard time not hating myself and being disappointed in myself.  I am having a really hard time not feeling like a failure, and not counting my many failures.

I think there are two things that have made me feel so down today.  The first was a conversation with my mother last night.  I felt like a failure just talking to her.  I didn't have any positive things to tell her about anything.  She asked me how my writing was going, and all I could say was "Eh."  I just felt like a huge disappointment to her.  And to myself.  I can't blame her for how our conversation made me feel.  She merely asked me questions, which caused me to look in the mirror.  And I hated what I saw.

The second thing that happened was my search for jobs today.  John sent me a web page with several links to companies in the the area, so I could submit my resume to them.  (That act itself also has me feeling down and not good enough, but that is another story.)  Practically all of the career pages I visited for those companies required me to enter my current annual salary and my desired salary.  In spite of me making almost $50K when I was at my previous job, I have since then had two jobs that made $20-$30K.  Those are the salaries that I have to list.  And then I say that I want to make $45-50K.  If the database doesn't first kick me out because I don't have a college degree, than it or the first human review process will likely kick me out because of my salary requirements (compared to my last salary).

It is incredibly frustrating to me to have my qualifications and experience judged by computer programs or people who don't know anything about me.  It is so frustrating to have to beg for a decent pay or benefits.  I am tired of job hopping and having to go through this process over and over again.  It feels very degrading.

Aside from that, I am also very disappointed that I have not been writing.  All of the troubles I am having are a result of me leaving my past job so that I could get to my 401K money so I could pay of my ex-husband's credit card debt.  I will forever hate him for that -- for putting me in such a horrible position.  I will hate him until the day I die.  However, that time that I was off was the perfect time to write and finish my book.  I did tell everyone I cam in contact with about it, and to all of those people I must look like a failure.  I feel horrible that I squandered away such an opportunity.  All added up, I had a year and a half to write.  I probably used a total of three months for that purpose.  I will always regret that and will always be very disappointed in myself for that.

So what do I do going forward?  Clearly the way out of these messes (no money, unsuccessful, nothing to show for my time on Earth) is to change my behaviour; to buckle down and do the work required (start writing again, get an education to get a better job, keep applying for a job until a desirable one comes along).  It should be that simple.  So why is it so hard?  Why do I constantly go through the same tragic missteps that not only don't move me forward but in come cases slide me backwards?

Dear God in Heaven, I am begging you to help me out of this cavern.  I cannot do it on my own, not where I am sitting right now.  I can't see my way and I need you to help me.  and I need it to be obvious.  None of the cryptic messages or signs that I am supposed to recognize or interpret.  I am tired and I need something clear cut and in my face.  And when you send it to me, I need you to follow up with another clear cut message to confirm that the previous message was from you.  I am tired of trying to figure things out, and I am at the end of my rope.  I have hinted to my Soul a few times that I think we should just end it and start over from scratch, but She has not been receptive to that, so I know that there is something She is waiting to do.  I just don't know what that is.  And again, I have grown tired of trying to figure it out.  So will you please do me this favor and be blunt with your help?  And I need it right away or I am going to lose it.  I know you know that, and I know you have been waiting for me to simply ask for your help.  So here I am, except I am begging you instead of asking.  Please Lord, tell me what I should do, and then please give me the push to get started.

I don't recall there ever being a time when I have asked you for something with such a sincere and full heart.

I am going to stop now and go take a shower.  I hope to hear from you within minutes.  I will be listening.

Word Prompt #2

This week's Word Prompt is from a subscription email I received from Neale Donald Walsch. Neale is the author of the "Conversations With God" series of books. Stop by his website to learn more about his books, or subscribe to his daily inspirational emails.

"It is the sweet, simple things of life that are important. When we truly embrace this, our day-to-day lives begin to change in very important ways."

What sweet, simple things are you looking past, or right over, and neither seeing or enjoying?  Write in your journal for 15 minutes as fast as you can, without re-reading or editing.

Happy Journaling!

Review Your Journal Monthly To Stay On Track

Happy May Day!  According to Wikipedia, May Day refers to several public holidays and cultural celebrations.  May 1 is also the beginning of a new month, and my birthday month at that, so that is reason to celebrate!

I'll admit that in my lifetime I have never celebrated May Day.  Well, not that I can remember.  For many years, though, I have "celebrated" the first of the month.  To me, it has represented a new beginning; a way to start over.  If I had faltered at all at school or work or with my family and friends, I used the first of the month to mentally wipe the slate clean.  I gave myself permission to move on.  And I always promised myself I would do better.

Granted, there have been months when I didn't do such a good job of "doing better."  But at the first of the month, I would set aside the feelings of guilt and disappointment and strive to do better for the next 30 days.

My journal has always played a large part in this.  I am able to look back over the past month of writings and notes and see where I have been successful and not so successful.  From there I can create a plan for what I want to accomplish and how I want to do and be better.

Do you have a review process for your journal?  As you look back over your previous entries and notes, how do you feel about what you have accomplished (or not accomplished)?  If you do not already have a review process, I encourage you to give it a try.  If you do review your journal on a regular basis, how do you go about it? 

Happy Journaling!

Add a Table of Contents or Index to make your Journal Searchable

There have been several times when I've wanted to look back at something I've written in my journal, whether it be a favorite poem I've copied down, or the name of a book I was thinking about reading. I typically would have had to sift through my box of filled (or somewhat filled!) journals and flip through page after page, hoping to find what I was looking for. Inevitably I would get side-tracked, as my search would end up being a stroll down memory lane.

I have a couple of solutions to making your journals more searchable: create an Index or Table of Contents in your journals.

Index

An index is a list of words, phrases, names or subjects that you perceive to be important. Examples could be the obvious occasions such as "prom" or "engagement" or your "son's birth." Less common examples might be "double rainbow" or "writing spider on front porch."

Table of Contents

A table of contents is just what you would find in a book or large document: a list of parts in the order in which they appear. You know... Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, etc., or Bill and Mary Met, Bill and Mary Fell In Love, Bill and Mary Got Married.

In my case, my journals are mostly about random nothings (though no less important!) and have the occasional nugget of wisdom or something of great importance that I don't want to forget. A table of contents probably wouldn't work well for me, because so much would be insignificant and that would make it hard to find the significant entries. So an index works best for me.

In a typical book, the table of contents goes at the beginning, and the index is at the end of the book. However I usually put my index at the beginning. When I begin writing in a new journal, I skip the first one or two pages, and label them as the index. Then, as I'm writing entries, if I think that a particular entry is something that I might want to come back to later, or is just something that I want to remember, I'll make a note of the subject matter and the page number on the index page.

Happy Journaling!