I am enjoying a mental health morning. My husband, John, left earlier to play golf with friends (he's not a golfer by any means, so I can't wait to hear how things went!) and the girls are with their mother this weekend, so I have the apartment all to myself. My Bayberry Spice candle is burning and filling the air with the wintry scent that soothes my soul, I'm sipping on Dunkin Donuts Mocha Mint coffee (my third cup -- I'll surely end up with a bellyache!), and I'm listening to my Spa Radio station on Pandora. I'm still in my robe and slippers, people! I can't think of a better way to take care of Me.
My mind has been whirling lately with worries, stresses, lists of things I want to do, lists of things I'm not doing -- you know the drill. I've usually been able to calm myself by meditating with Holosync taking a short nap, or journaling, but lately that hasn't been working. I think my mind has gone into Shut Down Mode. She is overwhelmed and stretched to the limit, and has decided she's just not going to do it anymore.
The biggest thing bothering me right now is my attempt at NaNoWriMo. I haven't had the time (or, let's be honest, the desire) to write the required 1667 words each day. And now I'm so far behind I'll never catch up by November 30. So I'm giving it up. This will be my fourth try -- and my fourth failure. And that makes me disappointed in myself. I'm disappointed because that's just one more thing to add to the list of thousands that I have started but not completed.
But, I wonder if my inability to finish things is not so much laziness on my part, but maybe more of over-scheduling on my part. I want to do too many things, and I try to do them all at one time. I try to stay busy all of the time. Oh my gosh, you should see my planner! I have all of these great plans and things to do for each day, but most of them don't get done. And when I do try to quiet myself and relax, I feel guilty because of the unfinished items still left on those pages.
Perhaps today I will take some time to revisit my goals and items on my to-do lists. Maybe I can try to weed some things out; try to focus more on what's important for me.
Yeah, I'm definitely going to do that today. But right now, I'm having another cup of this awesome Mocha Mint coffee!