This is how blogging, or writing in general, has been working for me:
Voice in head: "Oh wow, I just thought of a great idea! I'll bet others would be interested to know this! I'm going to write about it."
Five days later (because I totally ROCK at procrastination)... sits down to write post...
Voice in head: "That is the dumbest idea I've ever heard. Why do you think people would want to read that? Just give up already."
This has been my writing life for so many years, including tonight.
I can remember the days when I couldn't write or type fast enough to get all of the words out of my head. And they were good words, in my humble opinion. Certainly better than anything I've written lately. And I didn't even have to try. The words flowed like a river clear of any boulders or tree roots to hamper the path.
These days it's hard to even form the words in my head, and those words that do form just don't want to come. They are very stubborn words.
I think part of the problem is that I try to write for other people instead of myself. I am constantly thinking about what others will think when they read what I've written. I wonder what they will think about my words, and what they will think about me. Even my journaling has succumbed to those thoughts. So, now the words don't want to come, for fear of being judged or ridiculed or ignored altogether. I don't blame them, really. That's a horribly harsh environment for such fragile little words.
So, you can consider this blog post to be a sheet of lined notebook paper containing a few handwritten words, crumpled up into a tight ball and tossed at the trashcan. (It lands just short of the trashcan just to mock me.) I could just delete what I've written here, but I think I will leave it. This is, after all, my personal blog, and I want it to be a chronicle of the hard, frustrating times of my writing life. Because once that first novel is published and displayed in bookstore windows, I'll think back to days like this and just laugh and laugh...
Until next time, be well.